Talking turkey this Thanksgiving

“Middle class, middle class, middle class. He never talks about anything else!”

That’s because our middle class does the real “heavy lifting” in our economy. They’re the ones who need help, and that’s why the Liberals will cut their taxes. He’s talking about what matters. Me, I would like to talk about getting more pie. Let’s talk about that.

“What about people who are poor? Not everyone is middle class, you know.”

Actually, the Liberals have a new child benefit plan that will give more money to low-income families. No taxes on it, so they get to keep what they get. And it will lift 315,000 kids out of poverty. That’s like six-and-a-half Rogers Centres full of kids. That’s a lot of kids.   

“Nobody cares about kids, because kids can’t vote.”

Justin has three kids of his own – and he used to be a teacher. Do you think it’s a good idea to send child benefit cheques to millionaires? Because that’s what the other guys want to keep doing, and that doesn’t help kids, either. 

“More taxes for rich people is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. Why punish people for doing well?”

Listen, if you’re making $200,000 a year or more, you don’t need help from the government, period. So Liberals will stop sending child benefit cheques to Canada’s wealthiest one percent, and they’ll raise their taxes a little, so that those who make less, pay less. Nice monocle, though. Did you get that online?     

“Does he seriously think that running a deficit is a good idea?”

Interest rates have never been lower. It’s actually the best time to invest in things like public transit and affordable housing. It’s not like that time you borrowed money from dad to start up that Beanie Baby clothing boutique.

“I trust politicians about as far as I can throw them, and you know I would, if it wasn’t for this damn hip.”

I get it. Mike Duffy… the Senate scandal… it’s hard to trust in government once that trust has been abused. So how about a government that will get rid of partisan ads? Make it easier for people to vote? Make decisions based on actual evidence? Those are all things the Liberals will do.

“He wants to take away my income splitting!”

Grandma… no. He doesn’t. That TV ad isn’t true. What they’ll do is lower the pension age to 65 and invest in building more seniors’ residences. Income splitting for seniors, like this bowl of weird pickles, isn’t going anywhere.

“Pot! Kids! Corner stores!”

Here’s the thing: young people in Canada are already the top users of marijuana in the developed world. So the status quo obviously isn’t working. Legalizing pot means that it will be harder for kids to get, and easier to keep profits out of the hands of criminals.

“That Justin isn’t ready to be Prime Minister. He has no experience!”

Don’t believe the attack ads, Grandpa. He’s 43. That’s older than when JFK became president. And he’s been an MP for seven years – that’s as much experience in Parliament as Stephen Harper had when he became Prime Minister. 

“Well, I think this climate change business is a load of hooey.”

Okay. I think we’re probably not going to agree on that. Because I believe in science.